"SIMBA!! DO SOMETHING!!! FUCKING SAVE ME!!!!" - KH:CoM Blogging
Guess who started Chain of Memories for the first time since ragequitting the GBA version as a child! ...Guess who ragequit again on PS4! I... I just really hate the card system. By the time I figure out what cards I'm looking at, and select the correct one for the situation, or god forbid try to stack 3, the situation has already changed and/or the enemy has used a card that just breaks mine a frame before I hit X/Triangle anyway. It's unbearable to me. Any game that makes you shift your attention between different parts of the screen quickly is almost always going to be a nightmare for me. I just end up button mashing and hating myself for it. If there was a mod of this game to just fight things like the original game or even a turn based card game I'd play it. I'd re-purchase this game on steam just to mod it, even. But, man, I just cannot get my brain to work fast enough for this shit. Traverse Town was annoying, but manageable. I beat the boss the first try I am so tempted to just watch a cutscene movie and then go straight to KH2, but I'm gonna try to stick it out. ...And I really hope that I don't regret saying that. But yeah, currently feeling like this, and I haven't even gotten to Cloud yet, or any of the actually difficult Organization XIII fights. I am going to get fucking wrecked by the rest of this game, aren't I.
HOOOOOF. Colosseum done! I ended up beating Cloud on only the second try! Take that, you life-ruining uke! Hades got me down to a sliver of health before I finished him with a final Blizzard card, but when Cloud gave me his Summon card after the cutscene and it was only a fucking 4 I almost reset to do the fight again. Anyway, I got some help from a friend on formatting the card decks which has made the game a LOT easier, too. I'm starting to get the hang of stacking combos properly, even if I'm still absolutely relying on summon cards. (No thanks to Cloud, btw--- My 9 Genie and two 6 Simbas are the ones carrying at the moment.) I'm in Monstro now and, to be honest... As much as I love the soundtrack to these games, the Monstro music is probably the weakest track. And the level design is kind of boring too. I usually love organic, and well, organ-themed levels, but this one reads more as jiggly jell-o world. I dunno. Even in the original it needed rooms of more varied colors or something. Anyway, I'll survive the rest of the world somehow, I'm sure. Just waiting to see my boy Riku now, hehe. I'm honestly surprised to say that my Chain of Memories playthrough is still going really well! I feel like I've finally gotten a hold on lining up combos in decks for myself (Fire Raid my beloved), the rest of Monstro and Halloween town went really well, and I even ended up being able to beat both bosses on my first try! The plot's actually picking up now, also. CoM really adds to the mystique of Organization XIII, and Namine's self-insert moments are pretty damn heartbreaking... They designed a perfectly pitiful little cringefail of a blond girl... I mean, after all, we've all wanted to alter Blorbo's memory to make ourselves their BFF at some point in our lives, right? ...No? Just me? Anyone?
Anyway, I used to really dislike Larxene* when I was younger, but she's kind of hilarious to me now in a tryhard sort of way. She is going to be a bad guy, damnit! And her little bitchfests with Axel are so hilarious, too. I love them, but man, it kind of cracks me up when people ship them together--- Can you say lavender marriage? Anyway, the thing about liking Kingdom Hearts as a teenager is that the world is so dramatic, and it sounds deep enough on the surface level since they throw around vague mysterious sentences and darkness and light and heart and other worlds etc etc., and it takes itself pretty seriously most of the time, and when you put all that together, you kind of don't have a choice but to end up meeting it at that level and taking most of it at face-value.
Larxene's attempts to be a scathing, evil villainess just kind of come off as pathetic and over the top. It interests me from a character standpoint that Axel is obviously letting things slip through his facade in his interest in Sora (because of Roxas), but Larxene remains pretty unreadable unless you already know the story beats. She's just... Always at level 10 evil snarkity snark. Their characterizations play off each other nicely. It's kind of refreshing that she's the only girl in the organization (I said what I said) but she's not, like, A "The Only Girl" Character. I don't need to write out a paragraph explaining why I like Axel because. It's Axel. No shit. Who DOESN'T like Axel? ---Well, apart from the weird AkuRoku-antis that cropped up out of nowhere when KH3 revived the fandom. But, yeah. I really am shocked how--- let's say somewhere between "tolerable" and "enjoyable"--- this playthrough has been. Turns out the solution really was to simply git gud this time! ...And it only took me 6 Worlds to get sufficiently good...! Oh! And I almost forgot: So far, we've seen Riku's left leg. Just in case you wanted an update on the Riku Report. I'm sure the thrilling reveal of the Riku story route will be an unforeseeable shock to all. I mean uhhh. Nothing.
Upon entering my starting Moogle Room in Atlantica, excited to see the cute new graphics on the more expensive Card Packs, I bought the most expensive, black leather belt wrapped Blue Booster Pack and said aloud: "Okay, now give me Cloud." The Cards flipped up one by one on my screen. And what, dear reader, was revealed, all in the same pack?
Apparently, I somehow unknowingly completed some kind of Satanic Bishie-Summoning Ritual. I started out by going to edit my deck. I reluctantly replaced my combo of three Simbas, skeptical that Cloud would manage to beat the convenience and power of Simba's AoE attack, and went into the next room for a battle. And then I was prompted to simply hit Triangle like 5 times in a row and Cloud slaughtered everything on the field. The Bishie Is Back.mp3 Seriously, pulling out a stack of three Cloud cards genuinely feels like cheating sometimes. If I get sick of actually fighting heartless and using the Keyblade, I just whip out my three Clouds and commit mass murder. It's pretty great when you're in a fight with a lot of annoying heartless and just want to leave the room. I was so, so excited about the new Cloud viability, and meanwhile poor Sora is soooo sad about Ebil Riku being all jealous and mean to him... I'm with Donald and Goofy--- I wanna hug the little baby guy and tell him to cheer up, too. Thankfully, my satanic 666 Cloud combo was also extremely helpful to start out with for that Ebil Riku fight! Oh, right. So for a quick Riku Report Update: I beat him half to death. Spamming Triangle is just the way to go for some fights, honestly. ...Until you get mixed up in where you are in your deck and don't look at the combo you're about to use and end up wasting your Cure in a useless stack so it'll never reload again...
As for the actual plot, I left off about 3/4ths of the way through neverland, so I'll be returning to my 0 fondness for Peter Pan soon enough.
Last playsession, I took care of the rest of Neverland (god Peter Pan annoys the piss outta me) and beat up Captain Hook. Sorry, foppish pirate man. Cloud got the killing blow in, so he's probably actually dead now. Oh, and I take back what I said about Monstro, btw. Going through the boring-ass pirate ship layout was so, so much worse than Monstro. As I was gliding around the rooms I genuinely had the thought "Man, if this wasn't a Kingdom Hearts game I really would never have touched it in a million years." I'm having fun, still--- it's not like I'd actually rather just watch a cutscene movie for the plot, I just... Really miss actually fighting things with my actual Keyblade and actual magic and actual movement tech instead of just using a card deck to do so. I did do better than the first time on the second Ebil Riku fight, but god damn--- Again, my heart really does break for Sora. Especially considering he's so naive that he thinks that's actually Riku's opinion.* Like, the part of the cutscene just before the fight where Sora imagines himself and Riku as babbies fighting with wooden swords? Broke my fucking (kingdom) heart(s). Basically the lack of SoRiku ship material in the first half of the game is practically single handedly made up for with the line: "Sora... You're always trying to worm your way into my heart!"
...I'm sorry, but how the hell else do you even take that besides SoRiku canon? I mean, and then right after that we get Sora saying: "You won't push me away..." ABSOLUTE FUJOBAIT CINEMA. Also, the Axel and Namine scene... Every member of Organization XIII really said Mansplain, Manipulate, Malewife, Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss, all at the same time. Before I actually go back to the plot, I think I'd like to backtrack to the previous worlds and get the treasure rooms I didn't have the cards to unlock the first time around, and I'll farm some mushrooms to maybe try to get their Heartless Cards while I'm at it.  Farming Key to Rewards in the first room of Hollow Bastion wasn't too bad, but I only did Traverse Town, Wonderland, Agrabah, and Olympia before it was too late in the afternoon to keep playing. (Putting housekeeping above video games, I know, I'm like the most responsible person in the world. The thing is that Sora can't really help me clean my oven, sooo...) So today I started out by finishing up getting the Rooms of Rewards I'd missed, then went ahead and finished up Hollow Bastion and juuust barely clutched out a win against Maleficent. Next, I finally started the Winnie The Pooh minigame world I'd been avoiding... I did get finally get a Megaether and an Elixir though, so I'm pleased with that, at least. Vexen was such an annoying fight--- he kept ruining my combos and fucking up my deck placements... I almost ragequit, but I decided to do just one more try and of course on my last attempt I finally managed to beat him. I had to rearrange my deck and add a bunch more fire based moves.* Fuck Vexen, tbh. Genuinely one of the most boring members of Organization XIII. Now, Marluxia, on the other hand, is hilarious. Especially next to Axel. They're constantly trying to outdo each other's offputting auras, lol. Well, anyhow, Twilight Town will be next up. Some of the textures just in the opening cutscene look hilariously low-quality, but the music of course holds up as well as ever. ...Time for Sora to go delve into Roxas' memories!
Me, upon starting Twilight Town: Jeez, this world has such a small map! I wonder why it's not longer? Vexen: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :))) It's me agaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn I am not kidding you when I say I got a FUCKING STOMACH ACHE from restarting the Vexen II fight over and over. The state of my deck was cheesy and shameful... Just heals and Fire-element combo setups and NINE CLOUD CARDS.
Plus, it's just so much worse rewatching Vexen's little intro cutscene over and over at the start of the fight and seeing his stupid nonchalant face.* I admit I was fully malding and shouting at the screen. "WHY??? WHY CAN HE DO THAT? WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY ZEROES? I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU WILL BE DEAD." Just completely titled. It was not pretty. That Ice Needle move should be fucking illegal. I found myself almost about to ragequit (again) when I decided to just level a little and use up some of my Guarded Trove cards to calm down before a final try. ...Well, okay, it ended up being a final 5 tries, but I did finally beat his ass once and for all. And then I flipped off the TV with both hands. Vexen deserves no less than a double deuce for that absolute fuckery. I cheered when Axel Thanos-snapped him into nothingness--- Once again, Chain of Memories' tagline could really just be You Will Love Axel By The End Of This Game. I Guarantee It. They must have made that Vexen fight such a pain in the ass because then it ensures that you'll be rooting for Axel after he just straight up fucking murders the guy. I'll be honest. It was a little hard to pay attention to the fifteen cutscenes after that fight (again, I wasn't kidding about the vengeance-induced tummy ache Vexen gave me--- I probably have an actual stomach ulcer after that shit). But again, the SoRiku is not lost on me. Even if that Ebil Riku fight was like eating a sundae compared to fighting Vexen just before. I genuinely had something worthwhile I wanted to write in here while I was watching the cutscenes, but it seems to have drained out of my brain from the exhaustion after that bullshit. (Why why why does he have both bullshit attacks AND a bullshit shield??? Why?????) I can't even tell if I'm more tired from the difficulty or more tired from the sheer rage that was coursing through every bone in my body while the borderline-soporific Twilight Town theme played after every Continue... So, right, we got the Axel Kills Vexen cutscene, the No Doubles SoRiku cutscene (Demyx was definitely in charge of the arts and crafts to make those two fake good luck charms), we got Axel Having Feelings, you know, the thing Nobodies are not supposed to have... And how about that cutscene where Sora snaps at Donald and Goofy?! Crazy, right? It was genuinely pretty shocking to get to the next floor and just... Not have Goofy and Donald there. Though it's also pretty ridiculous that they only thought to voice their concerns by floor fucking 12. I might've been on your side in room 5, but come the fuck on, it's WAY too late to turn back now, guys. Ugh. Man. Anyway, fuck Vexen. Just cleaned up in Destiny Islands and earned myself the Ebil Riku heartless card! Honestly, I was worried about missing Goofy and Donald, but it is CoM, soooo... I honestly hardly even noticed they were gone... I do love the cutscene where Namine just fucking shatters Ebil Riku's heart and Larxene points and laughs at Sora's panicking... "You're so fun to waaaatch!" I mean, I gotta agree with her there. Watching Sora freak out is pretty much always entertaining, lol. The Ebil Riku puppet reveal is such a pathetic moment, too... Poor Sora. Oh, and Larxene's evil villain speech where she explains the Organization coup, gets mad at Axel for having a good guy moment, and slaps the shit out of Sora, Namine, AND the Riku puppet is so fucking funny. She literally called Sora Almost makes me not hate her for how bullshit this boss battle against her is! Tried a buncha times and ragequit for a long while while I 100%'d Jak & Daxter. (clicky for blogpost about that.) I'm definitely going to have to rearrange my deck and quite possibly levelgrind and/or Moogle Shop room grind, but I've been too busy IRL to really have the mental capacity for quickmath bullshit fucking card games. Ahh... Man I hate the mechanics of Chain of Memories. If Larxene keeps giving me trouble I seriously may have to switch over to the cutscene movie route... Hopefully not though. If all goes well my next update to this blog will be triumphant gloating about beating Larxene with my fancy sleights and how the only cutscene movie will be KH buncha-numbers-over-two days. ...So let's hope it goes well!
So, for the whole month or so since the last update, I had been seriously dreading this Larxene II rematch... I was almost certain I was going to have to switch to a cutscene movie and miss out on being able to beat the game and play the Riku route, and I'd just about made peace with it while loading up the game. And in a completely anticlimactic twist, I rearranged my deck to just be Strike Raid and Lethal Frame in a repeating pattern over and over with a few 0 Cures, and beat her on the first try of this playsession!* I barely even felt bad watching her fade away in the post-fight cutscene after all she put me through last time, LMAO. They explain the plot with Namine fucking with their memories so thuroughly in the following cutscene, it's hilarious how they overexplain the shit thats pretty easy to follow and then never explain the most complicated convoluted plot bullshit... But Sora's such a sweet person to not even be able to be mad at Namine after all of that! And then after that genuinely touching scene, Donald puts in his two cents: "Oh BROTHER. That's a bit much." Oh, Donald. For once you criticize the sappiness, and it's the one time I'm actually being emotionally affected by it. I did guffaw at the Ebil Riku body just... laying on the ground like a fucking corpse behind Namine, though. Some of the camera angles for the dialogue bubbles are so, so ridiculous. Oh, and then we get: Sora: "Who was it? Who's the most important to me...?" Me, aloud: Riku, obviously... Anyway, my time in Castle Oblivion was mostly card farming for some higher number keyblades, then I beat Axel after a few tries with the same deck I beat Larxene with. He was MUCH more difficult than Larxene, but not quite as annoying since his voicelines aren't nearly as grating as hers are... In the end, I managed to get the last hit in on him with my deck down to almost nothing by using a regular non-combo keyblade attack. Though it is pretty eye-roll inducing that Sora gets so easily and immediately goaded into fighting him by Marluxua... I also love that the Ebil Riku Puppet, even while being an "empty shell", loves Sora enough to come out of nowhere and protect him and Namine... Hehehe... I then used the same deck to kill Marluxia I on the first try... Humiliatingly for him, the final blow was dealt by FUCKING GOOFY. L O L. GET REKT. Marluxia II and III were super annoying, but I got him with a technique I like to call Random High Numbered Bullshit. I genuinely think those last two fights were the most poorly designed enemy patterns in the game, which is kind of shameful for the final boss... Not very fun, just sort of confusing until you figure out how to brute force your way through with high level cards. I dislike that it basically discourages you from using any sleights after the combat for the whole rest of the game almost requires you to be using combos strategically. I really dislike boss fights that turn a normally fast-paced game into constantly waiting for an opening. And the thing where he makes you drop all your cards is total bullshit.* More importantly... The very first thing Sora says after beating Marluxia is "Are you okay, Riku?" Suuuure, you guys were totally just fighting over Namine. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. And Ebil Riku Puppet telling Sora his feelings for the actual Riku are real and powerful... Ooookay! I'll take it! Even for the "final boss" though, the game's not over... Beating Sora's story only means I now get to play Real Riku's story! Yay! In any case, I do feel really bad for poor Namine... She kind of got the shit end of the stick. She never got the chance to make any friends from the moment she was created, aside from the opportunity she was given by The Organization to manipulate Sora and Riku into liking her, and she knows it's wrong, but she also doesn't really have a choice to disobey them, aside from the few moments that Axel helps her (but that's basically still only to his benefit as an excuse to beat the shit out of Marluxia for being a traitor). That, and the fact that in the end she sadly agrees to help Sora restore his real memories and forget her... She knows it's the right thing to do, but it's still heartbreaking for her to make that choice to selflessly help Sora and basically doom herself to being alone again, considering it's not like she can know she's gonna get woken back up for KH2. For all she knows, she's just getting doomed to being alone forever again! The big cryosleep flower Sora gets put into is pretty silly looking, though, so it's hard to stay sad for long...* Especially when I have a Riku playthrough to do now! Oh, and the little scene in the credits where Axel reaches out a hand to Ebil Riku... Basically "Hey, I'm hopelessly in love with a version of Sora, you're hopelessly in love with Sora himself... Maybe we can be reluctant friends about it since my previous bitchy frienemy just got poofed into nothingness!" Anyway, I ended up finishing with a 22:30 clear time, 378 uses of Fire Raid, 3465 enemies defeated, and a Card Collector Rank of Rare Card Hunter. Not bad! I was more excited to see how pretty Riku is on the title screen now that I've cleared the game, hehe. ...And the Riku campaign just starts with my poor baby boy floating in a gray void!!! My biggest complaint, before any combat or real gameplay, is Why do these characters all just trust every random disembodied voice they hear??? I guess I'll have to (not) figure out the answer to that question and many more in my next playsession as Riku! I'm guessing I probably won't be as thorough in blogging about this route as the main game, but who knows... I'm just looking forward to not having the ability/burden of building my own decks anymore!
I thought this campaign would be so much easier not having to build my own decks, but the reality is that I'm just raging over being stuck with a bunch of 1s and 2s clogging up my deck. I also can't seem to really get a hang of the higher numbered card duels--- I'm just not fast enough flipping through a deck I didn't design myself with cards in completely random orders trying to find a number high enough to break the enemy card. ...So basically, it's equally as frustrating as the Sora route, but just in a different way. Joy. For today, I just cleared Hollow Bastion, Traverse Town, and got a couple screens into Agrabah. It's not too difficult to manage the DP* mechanic so far, but I guess we'll see if it gets too frustrating to continue. As for the actual plot, I kind of forgot how much of this game is just Riku getting bullied by voices in his head... I relate, poor guy... But also, it's time for the Zexion and Lexaeus show! I keep repeating "Get your Zexion" to the tune of Timbaland's part in SexyBack... It's an overdone joke for sure, but it's just too addicting... ...Oh, right, and also Vexen is there too. I will admit, the way he says, "[Riku's] existence resonates with the soul of another Hero!" and then goes on to insist that Sora's pretty unremarkable and Riku, the heart of darkness, is the actually interesting one... Like, okay, good to know Vexen created the Ebil Riku Puppet because he can see the viability of SoRiku but Riku is his ult bias blorbo. We'll have to see what lies in store for Riku (and Mickey...) in the rest of Castle Oblivion, I guess.
I ended up getting through a pretty sizable chunk of the game since my last update! Finished off Agrabah without much fuss, and ended up beating Vexen on my second try (after cussing him out again). Parasite Cage in Monstro didn't give me too much trouble either, despite how obnoxious the battlefield is. Seriously such bullshit that you have to stand on teeny little moving platforms above the acid and attacking makes you go forward, combos make you unable to jump, using a Mickey summon makes you unable to jump... Also, I do notice that I still pronounce Marluxia's name as "Mar-LUCKS-ee-uh" instead of "Mar-LOO-sha" and. Well. I'm simply not changing that now. We didn't have no stinkin' pronunciation guide or voice-acted cutscenes back in my day. *shakes cane* Basically just more of Zexion and Lexaeus being domestic and gossiping about I still hate the Duel mechanic, it only works out for me about 30% of the time since I'm so bad at flipping through the cards quickly, and yet I still keep reflexively hitting Triangle when the prompt appears onscreen. Probably leftover reflex from how often I used Cloud in Sora's route... And for some reason, maybe it's just that I'm used to endgame Sora's HP bar, but it feels like Riku takes way more damage at a time per hit. I can't tell if he genuinely has a lower defense stat or something, or if I'm just missing the Cures in my deck to use on command. Oh, and also Riku met Ebil Riku. "So you're a fake me..." "I'm NOT a fake!" This whole argument between Rikus was so ridiculous. Emo on Emo violence is fucking hilarious. I think it could've been a little less silly if the voice acting in this game didn't feel so awkward and stilted...* Neverland, Atlantica, and Olympus Colosseum went by super super quick--- I killed Hades in what felt like less than a minute. I had forgotten that we do actually learn that Namine made the fake keychain charms for Sora and Ebil Riku... It was much funnier thinking Demyx made them with scrap paper that they had lying around... Wonderland, however, started annoying me right out the gate! The stupid Creeper Plant Heartless pissed me off immediately, and of course the boss was even worse, especially with how small the deck you get in this world is! It's ridiculous how they want you to beat a boss that constantly uses cards you have to break while giving you a deck of only 9 cards where the highest numbered card is a fucking FIVE. So, you can't really afford to use combos to break the higher cards and not be able to reload that first card of the combo later, but then you also can't break them with single cards because they're all so low. Total bullshit. Halloween Town was a billion times more fun with how often I got to use the Dark Aura sleight once my DP meter filled. Such a badass move. It's the kind of thing you'd be pissed off at Riku doing when you're fighting him, but feels soooo satisfying to get to do yourself. Then I just had to deal with Lexaeus, who Riku (well, Riku being possessed by Ansem) promptly murdered in cold blood after the cutscene. "Forgive me Zexion..." Is about the gayest thing he could've said as he died, though, so fujoshi bonus points for me. ...Axel is kind of a dick coming over to tease Zexion about Lexaeus dying, though... But Zexion of course has an amazing comeback after Axel asks which member of The Organization is going to be next to die: "I was thinking it might be you!" I snorted at how dry his delivery is on that line--- Zexion is seriously an underutilized* member of The Organization. And then Riku's so surprised to learn Sora's in the castle when Zexion shows up to fuck with Riku's head again about having darkness in his heart... Poor babies... Anyway, next up will be Destiny Island! I expected the Riku route to be shorter than the main Sora one, but I really didn't think I'd be breezing through it this fast. This whole time I've been calling Riku's route "Riku.com" when in actuality the more fitting title is "Riku Gets Gaslit: The Game". Putting aside all the weird shit Ansem and The Organization is constantly feeding to Riku about Darkness, just that single Destiny Islands moment where you just have to walk up to Zexion-disguised-as-Sora while he's randomly standing on the edge of the cliff was so fucked. It was intensely unsettling to be popped out of the prior cutscene and then just be standing in Destiny Islands with "Sora" looking out over the edge of a cliff, totally motionless. "You're not Riku anymore... You're just a pawn of the darkness!" I just know Riku really took that one to heart before the reveal that it was Zexion and not actually Sora saying that. Like, this really is the SoRiku Tragic Yaoi game, huh? Anyway, as for the gameplay, the fact that Zexion DIRECTLY FUCKS WITH YOUR DECK? That was some advanced bullshit. Oh man did I want to smack his stupid little scene-haircut face with one of his own books. How dare you change what card I'm hovering over when I already struggle with selecting the right card in a deck I didn't build. The nerve. Plus, his constant shouts of "WHAT IS THIS?!?" when he got hit by my combos over and over were more grating than satisfying. What is this? What is it, Zexion? Why, it's a Mickey Mouse Inverse Burst, fuckface! Die from it! Thankfully, Riku sliced him across his whole face after that fight. Meanwhile, on Namine's side of things, I get so sad when Axel has his compassionate moments trying to tell others they can live their own lives... God, it's so depressing... Him empathizing with both Ebil Riku and Namine... It really says a lot about his character. And also just the way he's been twisting the meaning of all of his given orders to be the things he wanted to do anyway... He truly is bishie of all time. The BOAT, if you will. Oh, don't worry, though: We immediately go back to not being able to take the game seriously, because every time Mickey shows up in that stupid little warrior outfit I snort. Thank god he brought Riku that FastPass™ Card! The DiZ reveal is also... Kind of silly, to put it kindly. But afterwards, in Twilight Town, we do get one of the best quotes in the game:
Ebil Riku: Because I'm you.
Ohhhhhh boy. It's cringefail vs. cringefail out here. Then it's Riku panicking over Sora in the cryo-sleep memory chamber flower with Namine, and obviously Riku spends nearly the whole cutscene talking about Sora! It's just the natural way of things. But, man, his reaction to Namine's offer to seal the darkness in his heart in exchange for wiping his memories! He doesn't even consider it for a second. Of course he can't wipe his memories of Sora--- he'll face Ansem and the darkness head on! Ugh, my sweet, brave little Riku... So, yeah, Destiny Island and Traverse Town were mostly snoozefests gameplay-wise, aside from get-your-Zexion's* bullshit. After that, I found myself just saying "Shut UP DiZ..." over and over. There really are some characters in this series that I just cannot bring myself to give a fuck about, no matter how directly important to the plot they are. DiZ is one of those characters. Honestly, most of the stuff that takes place a billion years in the past in the KH universe is intensely uninteresting to me... I mean, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus themselves just barely scrape by with a passing grade for me to take them seriously as interesting additional characters. But, yeah, DiZ basically shows up, hands Riku an Aliexpress Organization cosplay coat, and calls it a day.* Oh, uh, and then we get: "I smell you, Ansem!" ...Um. ...'Kay then. ...Can we talk about the recurring scent-based powers Riku apparently has? WHY IS THIS A RECURRING THING THROUGHOUT THE GAME? Darkness is smelly??? What, like sulphur? Brimstone? Seriously--- I hadn't mentioned it before in hopes that he'd stop bringing it up if I didn't acknowledge it, but through this whole game Riku's just been sniffing the air like some kind of Darkness-detecting drug dog. It baffles me. ...He absolutely would've been doing weird wolf roleplay shit on the Neopets forums, I just know it. Anyway, beating up Ansem started with about a dozen deaths on my part within the first 25 seconds of the fight before I could finally eke out a win. His stupid Come Guardian is practically cheating. In the end, the Oogie Boogie Heartless card was the only thing keeping me from total annihilation. At first I was trying to use Lexaeus' card for a damage boost, but in the end, healing was more important than doing extra damage. Mickey Mouse saved me at the end of the fight, of course, just like in the ending cutscene! ...Aaaand roll credits! AUUUUUNNNGHHH and those credits!!! The AkuRoku mini scene we get...!!! Oh, and here's my stats for the Riku route: Card Collector Rank: One Who Reigns Over Cards Enemies defeated: 2516 Card Duels won: (a rather shameful) 47.92% Dark Mode activated: 182 times Clear time: 9:18 And that's about all I have to say for my playthrough of Chain of Memories! Next up will be the three hour Bunchadays cutscene movie which I probably definitely won't be liveblogging, and then KH2! I'm excited to actually sob and wail over Axel/Roxas feelings. I seriously doubt I'll ever go back and play this one again, nor the GBA original. Honestly, I can truly, safely say I would never have touched this game in a million years if it hadn't been so plot relevant to the overall story. I maintain that the cards are a dogshit gameplay mechanic that force you to pay attention to way too many things at once and ruin the flow of gameplay, and I spent many hours wishing I was still playing KH1. ...Still, the plot to Chain of Memories is as Kingdom Hearts as it gets, so I do feel that it's a mandatory game in the series that every true KH fan should Next long playthrough blogpost like this will be for KH:2! Look forward to it!
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Despairing
Like an unbelievable amount. I do not think this is a fun game outside of navigating the map.
But I need to stick it out at least for the ship material. 
That was kind of annoying with all the large bodies, but those were still better than those obnoxious creeper plants in wonderland.
)
) that you can barely ever take anyone or anything in the plot seriously.
(I'm sure that was probably Voltron fandom's fault, somehow. We can go with that explanation.)
)
And then when you go up and talk to him he attacks poor Riku and tells him, in Sora's voice, that he needs to defeat the darkness and just zaps him with the "Keyblade"... 
